Welp…one more sleep until I am baptized by the bariatric surgeon. I am ready. I am at peace with my decision and am looking forward to the after. How did I prepare for this monumental occasion? Spoiler alert-it involved lots of protein shakes.

• I kayaked and swam for hours with my 8-year-old nephew. #auntielove
• Grady helped me take my measurements. #howbigis23inches?
• I drank 5 protein shakes. #stillhungry
• I shopped for clothes- but clothes in my current size and one size smaller. Why? Because I have done so many “night befores” and they have not lead to any lasting change. So…I bought some yoga pants because #habits.
• I asked my husband if he was ready to take care of me <yes he is>… ready for the change that was coming for both of us <yes he is ready for the change>…if he thought this was a good idea <no, he thinks this is a GREAT idea>…if he thought I was making a mistake 473 times <no he did not>.  #asshole
• I took my pre-surgery shower with that soap. #doctorsorders
• Took some before photos in some poor lighting in hopes of capturing some resemblance of myself pre-vsg. What I saw was shocking and not in a good way. #transformationtuesdays
• We visited our new home. It is beautiful and I cannot wait to live the rest of my life there. #dreamhome
• I made a weight loss tracker. I love the pop and color…#graphicdesignartistoftheyear
• I spoke to SO many people who just loved on me. Phone calls, text messages, cards, in-person visits, video chats…all filled with love, support, and well wishes. #iamloved

I think I also came to a kind of peace with my past and present today. It took me 20 years to get to this weight. I did some pretty cool shit in those 20 years. I accomplished a lot in those 20 years. I made a ton of lasting connections with people in those 20 years. I had FUN in those 20 years. They really have been my best years. I guess I proved to myself that you can be fat and have a fucking amazing life. It’s not easy, but I don’t think life is easy at any weight. It is ok to be fat-large-husky-round-pudgy-big boned. Other people might not think it is ok but I am telling you…it IS ok. It is also ok to not want to be large anymore and it is ok to do something about it. You are OK at every weight. You might not be *happy* but you are ok. Consistent happiness is not a requirement for life…but being ok is.

The view from our new home.

My last “before” picture”

Kayak buddies!

My *amazing* weight loss tracker!