Day 76: Results are In…I am now a Russian Orthodox Raven

Gravity HAS shifted. Our Lady of Sitka and Raven have combined forces to shift the nature of the universe into my favor. Today I stepped on the scale and discovered that I indeed was down 3.8 pounds, bringing my total weight loss to 34.8 pounds. I am pretty sure this is most weight I have ever lost. I think this is just about what I weighed when I got married. It is kinda weird to think that Grady has never known me at a lesser weight…wonder what is going through HIS mind about all this! I REALLY can’t believe this one. All the indulging…all the weighing of options and thinking about what to say yes or no to. 3.8 pounds. Now…that should be my weekly weight loss following the 30/10 program strictly. Over these past 3 weeks I have lost 5 pounds of pure fat, tacked on another 1 pound of muscle, and continued to release weight. My coach was over the moon with those results and I am feeling that way about them too. The days are getting easier…I am becoming more and more committed to not only the program but to the changes I am making in my life. I am becoming more aware of my addiction and the mess-up mind games it plays with me daily and that knowledge will help me continue to distance myself from my old way of living. I am understanding that the path will not be smooth…will be filled with the ruts in this road. I am accepting the lifelong challenge that lies ahead of me with food, weight, and body image. Still not thrilled about it but more accepting of it. I also had a wonderful reminder tonight about what is really important…weight does not define you. Your actions, your treatment of others, your patience and compassion, and your willingness to share your passion and knowledge with others is what really matters. Thank you Dylan for that excellent reminder. 

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The pieces of this puzzle are really starting to come into place. It’s like those stupid-ass 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle we do every Leavenworth weekend. Always a winter scene with about 500 pieces of just pure SNOW…its a cardboard blizzard with no visible edge. You don’t know where one snowflake begins and the other ends. But then Grady and mom get some of the edge pieces in place…Maria comes up with a few corner pieces…Steven attempts the blizzard to barley make it out alive…my cousins feel victory with a single piece placement…but usually by the end of the weekend the puzzle is done and mom takes it home, glues it all together, frames it, and gives it to someone in the family. A living monument to the mental hell slogged through to finally piece together Santa’s belt or bring together that stupid family of bunnies at the foot of the bridge that is next to the tree dripping with snow…UUHHHH. Makes me tired just thinking about this years GEM. But like the framed puzzle, I think I will be the living monument to the struggle…hopefully no glue required.

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