I stepped on the 30/10 scales Thursday and was pleasantly informed that I had released 3 pounds the in the previous 6 days. That felt GOOD. Because my program is paused I am not taking food but still meeting with my coaches once a week and getting my numbers. And even though I was down there was no discussion about hitting the play button again. I got some positive feedback, some suggestions for being even more on plan during this pause and a “see you next week!” I really really really like 30/10. The program is solid but the people make it worth every penny. If you are trying they try to. You cannot help someone who is not trying- the universe knows I am trying and people are helping every step of the way.

I has been a VERY stressful week. The weather has wreaked havoc on our home and my husband almost totaled his car. The totaling of the car was HUGE and I will explain that in tomorrows post- cliff hanger I know. I think I will become a mystery writer. But once you know WHY him almost wrecking his car was such a big deal ( besides the fact he maybe could have died or broken things) you will understand why last night was the first night I got some sleep this whole week. The moral of this paragraph is that with all that stress I did not turn to food until the fires for the most part had been put out. I did not use food to check out of the stress. I dealt with it as best I could, I was honest about how I was feeling, and I did not turn to Starbucks to ease the pain of it all.

Sometimes the stress is really just too much. Sometimes turning to food is really kinda the only thing that makes it better. Yesterday early evening Grady and I regrouped at our home in Federal Way after both of us spent the day putting out fires. Nothing about this week was fun or awesome or enjoyable. I just wanted to feel normal and I wanted the day and the week to be over. So I looked up movie times and we headed back out to see The Good Dinosaur and eat Mexican food. Our meal was delicious and the furthest away from on-plan that we could get. Not because that was out goal but because we both got our favorites. Our popcorn had butter on it, my Milk Duds were on point and the movie was great (predictable story but animation that I have NEVER seen before…the kind that makes you forget you are watching an animated movie.) But you know what, it felt good. Not because we were eating off plan, but because we felt normal…we felt connected, we felt ok. We had survived the onslaught of disaster the befell us this week. When nothing has been going right for some time, normalcy is what is needed. We didn’t go off the rails and today was an on plan day for both of us. Grady weighted in today down as well. The lose lose lose week turned out to be a win win win in the end and that is all that matters. Tomorrow we will hopefully top off the week with a HUGE win that will carry us into the homestretch of the holidays.

The 30/10 plan is starting to feel normal again. No I don’t want to eat salad all the time and lunch usually never really sounds good. The fudge is gone and it is talking all of my will power to NOT make another batch. But it is starting to feel like it did this summer; routine.

But its becoming something akin to motions…something I just do. The less I fight it the “easier” it comes. I am fighting the urges and cravings by continuing to get rid of shit every place I possibly can. I cleaned out our filing cabinet last night and was surprised that half of the paperwork in there was old, outdated, not useful, and HEAVY. I had the original receipts from the furniture that was purchased when I moved in 8 years ago. I had user manuals from small kitchen appliances I am convinced I never owned. I filled up the shredder and a decent sized box with recyclables. Everywhere I look I see more shit lurking in corners and cabinets. I think instead of trying to do it all at ones I need to save it for the hard days…they days I want to eat a whole pizza…as a distraction and a tool. Since those feelings come about once a week I will have this place de-cluttered in no time!

So the continued lesson of this adventure: sometimes food is an OK tool to use to feel normal. When its checked and public and reasonable it’s ok. Sometimes it is needed to help the healing and anger and the hurt and the confusion and the return to normalcy.  As my mom and dad call it, sometimes it’s what helps you regroup…take stalk of what has happened…and move ahead more prepared for the next disaster that will come. My dad says only two things in life are guaranteed; death and taxes.” (Technically Ben Franklin said it but who’s citing…) I will add an amendment to his statement to also include disaster. The only things in life that are guaranteed are death, taxes, and disaster. You push aside death, taxes, and disaster for as long as you can by being not the biggest asshole on the road, planning for the worst, claiming 0 + $100 on your W-2, being as healthy as you can and living close to a good Mexican restaurant. You can quote me on that too…just be sure you also cite me. MLA4LIFE!