Days 62-Oh who the hell knows…

WordPress tells me it has been 11 DAYS since I last wrote! Holy shitballs that is some TIME! Truth be told…I missed writing but I didn’t. I wanted to write but about our trip…not my struggle. And lets be real…Alaska really IS the last frontier. There is almost non-existant internet up there in the land of trees and bears. We had it in some ports but I was without a majority of the time. And when you did find a pocket of coverage you were sharing it with 1000 other WiFI hungry hipsters or it was your turn to skipper or set the anchor or swab the decks or throw over the pots or take Nap #3…there was just TO much to do. At 1250 RPM’s the hum of the engines and the rocking of that boat put me to sleep in an instant. Resistance if futile…all you can do is curl up with a blanket in the Starbucks lounge and nap. No joke…some days this was my schedule: Get up at 6am when the engines start. Make and enjoy some hot cocco. Watch for whales for about an hour. Take Nap #1. Wake from nap to eat some late breakfast. Check out some glaciers. Go for a short hike. Return to the boat for Nap #2. Eat some lunch. Move to a new location in Glacier Bay and as boat is underway take Nap #3. I should start a hashtag (POUNDSIGN) “NapLife”. That was my reality a few days on this trip and it was EPIC.

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I was so focused on the things around me and remembering all of the sights and sounds that my struggle took a back seat and I have to tell you…that was FREAKING AWESOME. The STRUGGLE was still there…but not as important as the glaciers and whales and bears and fishing and hiking and swimming…how could it NOT take a back seat to all that goodness!? The struggle was present every day of the trip. At every port…at every meal…at every minute my hunger snuck up on me. How did I deal with it? Sometimes I just sucked it up and made my on-plan lunch or snack. Sometimes I enjoyed that Baked Alaska and didn’t think twice about it. I guess I just kinda went with the flow. If the FORCE was strong in me that day or at that moment I let the force make me an on-plan decision. If my light saber had run out of battery and Obi-Wan was no where to be found I had the biscuits and gravy. (Your mom has biscuits and gravy <said in Kips voice>…)

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My mom and dad we both so proud of how well I did but I have a hard time seeing the success from their perspective. I had 3 drinks, we ate out OFTEN and I only considered ordering a salad ONCE which I never did…who orders a salad when Yellow-Eyed Rock Fish fish chips style is on the menu? That is an item you REALLY can ONLY get in Alaska. I had homemade desserts and a ice cream sundae that I am positive has killed people in the past. I ate half of the 30/10 foods that I brought on board and I did not stick to the meal pacing al all. But, as my parents pointed out, I did eat less than I normally would have, I ate healthy choices on-board, I fixed my own breakfasts and lunches most times on board when the meal option did not fit the plan, and I had 3 drinks the entire trip. 3 DRINKS! That is pretty epic for me…my Raven/fisherwoman background makes me a terrific candidate for “Out-of Town Drinker of the Month” at the Dancing Bear or Red Dog Saloon!

In the moment and when I look back I don’t feel I did well at ALL. There were times when I resisted for maybe half a second…that is not very good. There were also times when I know I could have said no…could have ordered something different…could have mustered the will power. But I didn’t and that is hard. It was vacation…my struggle was happy to also be on vacation with me. Some meals off plan were just not worth it. I felt so FULL and underwhelmed that it just did not add up. A good lesson for the future. If you have ANY though that the ________ might not be a good as you think it will be…order the salad! And if someone orders what you wanted to order and you have a bite of theres and it IS just as good as you were thinking…have them box your salad- dressing always on on the side of course-and order what they had STAT! Force your table mates to WAIT for your  2nd menu item to come. It will be worth it…promise them desserts on you…they will wait! I digress…I was getting to the point where I could say “no” to just about anything and be OK with that. My mom was/is worried that this is going to be like starting all over again from the beginning now that we are home. The cravings…the HANGRY feelings, the panic that comes with being hungry all the time. But things have changed and those changes have stuck with me through the trip. I cannot eat as much as I could before; I just get fuller a lot sooner. I do prefer most things lettuce wrapped. Even though a nice huge sandwich sounds delicious sometimes…lettuce wrapping things is just more appealing 99% of the time. I do not think I am back at zero…I am out a 4/10 I think…but not zero. I think I will want regular food more than I have in the past weeks but that will be it. I still prefer oil and vinegar over any other dressing- but mom made a KILLER 30/10 salad dressing and I enjoyed that ALL trip! I will be making that and a DELICIOUS 30/10 bisque tomorrow! My mom made some GREAT things this trip and they were from the 30/10 recipes and that was a HUGE help. Everyone also kept the good shit for a majority of the trip out of sight and that was also HUGE. We all cracked a bit at the end but by that time the most dangerous items had passed. Some of my shipmates were not prepared for the “austerity cruise” as we began to call it and I can’t blame them. There is a ottoman seat that is hollow on board…it WAS called the Cube-O-Fun because it was stashed with every goody and treat you could imagine. But that Cube was EMPTY this trip…the sweat odor of M&M’s still hung to the sides of that cube like smokers tar on walls. But that cube was EMPTY. My 30/10 food filled it and the look in my dads eyes when he saw that empty cube could have made unicorns cry. The Greeks don’t even have it that bad! (Too soon?) I had no idea that the 30/10 recipes would taste so good! I get so NERVOUS and uncomfortable making food…I just feel that I am not a good cook and worry that I am going to buy all that stuff and burn it or scorch it to a point beyond recognition. But I need to start attempting and trying more things. REAL FOOD TASTES GOOD! Time to get back to the real food!

I stepped on the scale this morning to come face to face with my vacation KRACKEN. I was anticipating a 7 pound gain. All that ice cream and just delicious food traveled home with me…I was sure of it. Towards the end of the trip I was feeling like that fat roll was getting extra rolly again…that my pants were fitting just a bit snugger…I just felt heavier.

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We did a SHIT TON of walking in Sitka however…we got in 10,000 steps a day at LEAST the past 4 days and we did do just a lot of walking in general throughout the trip. That is the great thing about traveling by boat…you have to walk your ass anywhere you want to go less you want to pay $200 A DAY for a rental car!!! Those people are CRA CRA with their rental prices. So we did not stay totally sluggish on-board and dad even put the tender in for two days in Glacier Bay where we explored and WALKED on Reid Glacier! And let me tell you…you see these waterfalls and what you think are small hills from the boat…NOT THE CASE. The are freaking rivers and mountains when you start trying to haul your ass up them. PERSPECTIVE means something totally different in Alaska. So we did pretty good in the activity department. This morning the scale said I was 4 POUNDS lighter than when I left. NO FUCKING WAY. Earths gravity must be shifting and things are no longer the weight that they were originally calculated at. There is just NO way…it cannot be accurate. If I AM down it will be a true miracle. I saw the Our Lady of Sitka Icon in the Russian Orthodox Cathedral in Sitka…she travels the world performing miracles. She had actually just returned to the Cathedral from a world wide tour of magic…maybe she was there for me? Maybe she heard my STRUGGLE and is sending me a scale miracle today and Thursday. If I am down I am ordering her image Thursday and having it overnighted. I am going to share with her ALL my weight struggles from here on out and make a yearly pilgrimage to pay homage to her and her fat zapping powers. Maybe that is the key to this icon praying stuff? Focus on ONE struggle at a time…figure the rest of your shit out on your own! These icons have lots of others people struggle to work on…just give her one and be happy she has time to deal with your one thing! I just don’t know what to think about that scale. I walked away for a few minutes and weight myself again…and got the exact same number. I did this one more time just to be sure…same freaking number. I can only hope…please Lady of Sitka! Turn my fat into small fishes that will swim away from me into the big blue ocean to be eaten by a huge humpback whale traveling back south to Hawaii! We also took in a BEAUTIFUL and inspiring performance of Native Tlingit dances and songs from the Raven and Frog clan. Maybe my Raven spirit heard my struggle as well and is sending away my struggle spirits! If I am down…something is working and I am CONVINCED it is Our Lady and Raven working as a team! GO TEAM!

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Tomorrow I am back on plan 100%! Back to a small ass bowl of cereal…a shake…sloppy joe lettuce wrapped lunch, fruit drink then dinner tomorrow. I still have some 30/10 treat bars that I will be taking FULL advantage of as well! We have some close friends coming this weekend and I will be busy preparing for the arrival! Tahiti Island here we COME! Time to bust out the Maui Babe and the floating cooler! If I am down this week it will be yet another testament to the changes that I am making. Life is about indulgences…it is about working hard for those indulgences and enjoying the hell out of them when they come. It is about finding a indulgence/life balance and being thankful for the health to live life in that fashion. When I signed up for 30/10 this Alaska trip was a BIG concern of mine. How was I going to do Alaska on plan? My coach asked me “Why are you going to Alaska? To eat? Or to spend time with your family and see some cool shit?” At the time that response pissed me off to NO END! But she was right. I went to Alaska to spend time with my family. I went to Alaska to connect with my great-great grandfather and to walk in his shoes with my family. I went to Alaska to catch some fish and crabbies! I went to Alaska to walk on glaciers and hike with the wildflowers…to see whales bubble feeding and bears flip over boulders like it ain’t no thang! I went to Alaska for all that and was able to experience ALL of it. Sure my struggle was there with me the whole time. But my brain put that on the back burner because it knows that even struggles take vacations…we all need vacation to remind us of the good life. To remind us why we work so hard and struggle so much…to live the good life and live it WELL.

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2 thoughts on “Days 62-Oh who the hell knows…

  1. I’m so glad your back. The trip sounds and looks amazing. Those pictures are just so beautiful. I knew you would be down! That is so great too! I bet you are on cloud 9. All that worrying just waiting and you did it. You took the trip and came out on the other side ahead of the game! Woohoo!!! Congratulations…

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    1. I sure hope those numbers are still down Thursday! You never know…every scale has a mind of its own! Our trip WAS amazing! I love it up there…a different planet only 2 hours away from Seattle!

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