Today was a first day in what feels like a long time that I was 100% on plan. I said no to scones, delicious drinks, and Starbucks. I had a lovely and much needed visit with a close friend and an AWESOME yoga practice. My asnas are really changing and I can do the whole class now on a good day. I was able to almost get into a pose that I have NEVER been able to get into- RABBIT how I hate you! But I can see how things in my body are really shifting and changing and it is allowing me to do new things every day. My mom worked in the kitchen all weekend to help me understand how awesome freezing meals ahead can be and that saved my on-plan day. Tonights killer meal: Turkey Herbed Stuffed Red Peppers with Lor-Doggs Bomb-Ass Beast Mode Salad Dressing <I took some liberty with the name. She calls it “Herbed Vinaigrette”….BORING:) > I have posted both in the Recipe section of this blog for you all to enjoy! She is so creative in the kitchen. And she does not seem to mind spending half her day in the kitchen doing all that. I on the other hand have a much different idea of how to spend a Sunday but I am thankful that she is taking the time to teach and encourage me to do the same. Planning ahead kept me on plan tonight and it was DELICIOUS!
Work is still beyond crazy but I am getting to the point where there is just not a whole bunch I can do about that. I really do only have so many hours in the day to get things done and if they don’t get done I have to move them to my To-Do lists for the next day. It is SO frustrating being a teachers. Most things that you have to do are for the benefit of kids but stupid requirements and shit that comes down from high get in the way of doing what you were hired to do and that is inspire and educate kids. We spent the ENTIRE DAY working on monthly progress reports. I know these reports are important but really…a WHOLE day? And we will need half a day tomorrow to finish them completely. That is a day and a half that I did not grade work or offer my kids feedback on their work…I dod not answer their emails or work on my curriculum or fix issues in my classes. Progress reports are important but not a day and a half important. And we have to do these EVERY month. It just gets old and it gets hard to stay focused on the prize…kids education. These stresses cause me to eat…or at least want to eat for no other reason that I can use food to dull out the stress and pain I am in and not think about it for some time. It really is true….when you are in the addiction action you really don’t think about anything. You are just numb. Your brain stops working…there are no thoughts in your head…you just check out. It is easier to check out than be mad and angry and sad and unhappy. If you can fight through those urges to check out and deal with your emotions and feelings you can celebrate a victory against your struggle.
So today I tried to use my mantra from yesterday…is what I am doing now going to get me to where I want to be tomorrow. It was kinda hard today. With all that work there was little time to think about anything else. But I was committed to being 100% on plan today and I stuck to that goal. I was hungry today but it’s because I went too long without eating. Tomorrow is not so busy and I can be much more on-track with my eating schedule. My goal for Thursday is to be down 2 pounds. Just 2 measles pounds. That will be a great victory after some shitty weeks. I saw this today on WordPress and it validated everything that I have been doing and learning and thinking:
Ain’t that the truth…no matter what you say or do in public or what image you try to carefully craft, your private life and choices will become public. The only way to make gains in this struggle is to be authentic…to be true to your self and your downfalls publicly. It is so important to understand that the more authentic you become the easier the struggle becomes. Being authentically public requires that you speak and act the truth. But it gives you more space and time in your life to figure it out on your own…to think it through and make discoveries that would never be made in the private depths of your life. So I will again share Danielle LaPortes’ quote that I shared yesterday. We all need help. We all need teachers. We can help ourselves and become a teacher by simply making the shift from private agony to public authenticity. “Simple”.