Today I was down 2.6 pounds bringing my total weight loss to 31 pounds exactly. This is one pound over my goal of 30 pounds by July 16th. I was so happy to see these numbers. Setting goals is always a good idea but they can also set you up for a relapse. My sister asked me if I was excited about hitting my goal and my answer is mixed. The first thought is of joy and happiness. But then I start thinking that I should have set my goal higher…that I should have lost more weight by now…that I have just been getting by with the bare minimum of the plan and not trying my hardest. I NOW recognize this thinking as apart of my addiction. Is there NO END to the depths that this addiction runs? My addition does NOT want me to be happy with reaching my goals. If I don’t reach them or if the victory is not as sweet I have failed on some level. This feeling of failure leads me to think that the program is not working and that I am not really making progress. “30 pounds in 7 weeks? You should have been down at LEAST 40 pounds by now! What they hell are you doing? See…I told you think thing was a waste of time!”. WOW. That is exactly how I used to think. I did not know that was addiction and just not me talking. But tonight I recognized those words for what they were and was happy to reach my goal. I will remember this voice of my addiction when it pops its head up again.
Tomorrow we leave for Alaska. Ahhhhh…Alaska. So happy to be heading north. I have ALL my food packed- half of my suitcase is just FOOD! I have already identified what foods I will be indulging in and how I will avoid difficult situations. I have also thought about all the techniques I will use in those tough spots where walking away just will not work. Being with family makes it easier. We can talk about it all as it is happening. In Silverwood I was able to talk about what I was experiencing with my family there and it was so helpful. I will use this same tactic this trip and every trip in the future. I will continue to write as often as I can! You people are ravenous for my self-inflected pain and gain! 🙂
Thursdays are the days I am most thankful for all of your support. Without those encouraging words and without the discussions I am having with you and the connections I am making none of this would be possible. Two friends today reached out and shared with me their own struggles. Sharing our struggles is powerful. We find similarity and relief in knowing we are not alone. Someone else out there is thinking the EXACT same thing you are and that is AWESOME! We are NOT alone in our struggles. But help for us- the fat/fluffy/obese/bigger is limited. Obesity is still seen as a personal failure…a lack of willpower or knowledge. But hopefully we all know it is NONE of these things. It is a disease that controls our minds and in turn our bodies. But with support and love we can find a way out…find a way to a healthier life…find a new normal that does not kill us slowly. If you are struggling, know that your struggle is REAL. Your PAIN and FEAR and WORRY is real. If you know someone struggling, know that it is REAL and it is PAINFUL and sometimes filled with shame and anxiety. More likely than not they want to lead a different life…look a different way…and most importantly FEEL a different way. Support them with kindness and empathy. With encouraging words and love. They will find their way one day and maybe you can be apart of this new life! What an awesome opportunity for us all to practice love and compassion.