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It’s Going Down For Reals…

I have no real expectations after surgery…I plan on following the doctor’s orders and being the best big patient I can be. I am hopeful for a quick recovery and that I can tolerate all foods and champagne after the procedure but I am not really mourning the loss of any of those things. Don’t get it twisted though…I LOVE me some champaign and that could be the reason that I am fat at the moment. Continue reading It’s Going Down For Reals…

Adjusting to Life After Bariatric Surgery

While things are returning to normal, I am more and more aware that in many ways, there will be no returning to normal. There is the only newness. I cannot return to the old normal because it physically or mentally does not work that way anymore. Sometimes that is hard to grasp or accept because you just want to be and feel normal again. Continue reading Adjusting to Life After Bariatric Surgery

Mind AND Body

Never once in my life have I “thought” about my body. I know it is there…it does things to keep my person alive…it gets me places and it responds to my brains commands. When it is physically hurting I address the pain and move on until something else presents itself. My body is a tool that my brain uses to get shit done. Period. Apparently, this is not the way it should be. Continue reading Mind AND Body

How I Spent My Day Before

I think I also came to a kind of peace with my past and present today. I guess I proved to myself that you can be fat and have a fucking amazing life. It’s not easy, but I don’t think life is easy at any weight. It is ok to be fat-large-husky-round-pudgy-big boned. Other people might not think it is ok but I am telling you…it IS ok. It is also ok to not want to be large anymore and it is ok to do something about it. You are OK at every weight. You might not be *happy* but you are ok. Consistent happiness is not a requirement for life…but being ok is. Continue reading How I Spent My Day Before

The Day Before The Day Before Deja’vu

I could put a positive spin on this. I could say that I have “learned so much about my addiction, my struggle…” I could describe to you all of the research and medical testing I have been through to come to the conclusion that “Well…it could be your weight?”. I could share with you an amazing keto, Whole 30, paleo, recipe for “breadsticks” that you could *literally* dig a grave with because I have burned them so many times in the oven undertakers call me “The Baker”. But I am angry. And pissed. So no spin here…you are in the “No Spin Zone” as the living dead on Fox News would say. I am just really tired. I have never understood the concept of “give it to Jesus” until now. I just can’t do this anymore. I have tried everything three times over. This shit is bigger than me and I am ready for something else to pick up the burden. So…I am giving it all to the surgeon to let him work his sterilized robotic arms on my insides so that I might be forgiven and reborn.  Continue reading The Day Before The Day Before Deja’vu

APPROVED!

I don’t think I have ever had to jump through so many hoops to get something accomplished in my life. I guess a college degree has some major hoop jumping but this felt different. Every step had some issue or complication…just getting them to send my packet to the right place was a monumental effort. I feel at peace now knowing that this is happening…for reals. I am ready to move forward so I can actually look and feel the way I think I already look and feel. Continue reading APPROVED!

Identity} Process} Outcome

So this time, I am starting with my identity- what I believe about myself and what I value in my life, then creating processes that support and align to that identity. I am learning the power of my votes and that I have hundreds of votes to cast each day. Not every vote has to be for healthy. Some votes can still be cast for the pizza because it’s been a day and that is ok. The outcome will reflect my votes, my identity so I don’t have to even think on that if my processes are aligned to my identity. Continue reading Identity} Process} Outcome