Category: Change

Bariatric Support, Bariatric Surgery, Change, Failure, Fear, Grateful, Inspiration, Motivation, Sleeve, Support, Weight LossLeave a comment
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Thoughts on a Year

awesomeapril

Those numbers are devastatingly crushing because I naively thought that surgery would fix it all; that I would magically be trim, fit, healthy, happy, and put together one year out. I have been battling my weight for as long as my memory can reflect on my life. I was hoping bariatric surgery would end that struggle, that constant battle between my soul and food. I can say *definitely* it has not ended anything, which is another sour spot in my soul. But what weighs the heaviest is the realization that the work of living life at a healthy weight has everything to do with what the surgery did NOT fix and everything to do with what I never wanted to confront- myself, my addiction, and my body-mind disconnection. Continue reading Thoughts on a Year

Bariatric Surgery, Change, Fear, Grateful, Identity, Inspiration, Motivation, Sleeve, Support, Weight Loss2 Comments

Adjusting to Life After Bariatric Surgery

awesomeapril

While things are returning to normal, I am more and more aware that in many ways, there will be no returning to normal. There is the only newness. I cannot return to the old normal because it physically or mentally does not work that way anymore. Sometimes that is hard to grasp or accept because you just want to be and feel normal again. Continue reading Adjusting to Life After Bariatric Surgery

Bariatric Surgery, Change, Motivation, Sleeve, Support, Weight LossLeave a comment

Mind AND Body

awesomeapril

Never once in my life have I “thought” about my body. I know it is there…it does things to keep my person alive…it gets me places and it responds to my brains commands. When it is physically hurting I address the pain and move on until something else presents itself. My body is a tool that my brain uses to get shit done. Period. Apparently, this is not the way it should be. Continue reading Mind AND Body

Bariatric Surgery, Change, Motivation, Sleeve, Support, Weight LossLeave a comment

How I Spent My Day Before

awesomeapril

I think I also came to a kind of peace with my past and present today. I guess I proved to myself that you can be fat and have a fucking amazing life. It’s not easy, but I don’t think life is easy at any weight. It is ok to be fat-large-husky-round-pudgy-big boned. Other people might not think it is ok but I am telling you…it IS ok. It is also ok to not want to be large anymore and it is ok to do something about it. You are OK at every weight. You might not be *happy* but you are ok. Consistent happiness is not a requirement for life…but being ok is. Continue reading How I Spent My Day Before

Bariatric Surgery, Change, Enough, Inspiration, Motivation, Sleeve, Weight LossLeave a comment

The Day Before The Day Before Deja’vu

awesomeapril

I could put a positive spin on this. I could say that I have “learned so much about my addiction, my struggle…” I could describe to you all of the research and medical testing I have been through to come to the conclusion that “Well…it could be your weight?”. I could share with you an amazing keto, Whole 30, paleo, recipe for “breadsticks” that you could *literally* dig a grave with because I have burned them so many times in the oven undertakers call me “The Baker”. But I am angry. And pissed. So no spin here…you are in the “No Spin Zone” as the living dead on Fox News would say. I am just really tired. I have never understood the concept of “give it to Jesus” until now. I just can’t do this anymore. I have tried everything three times over. This shit is bigger than me and I am ready for something else to pick up the burden. So…I am giving it all to the surgeon to let him work his sterilized robotic arms on my insides so that I might be forgiven and reborn.  Continue reading The Day Before The Day Before Deja’vu