I have been focusing on tackling my shit list these past few days and I have made some progress! Here is the list:

1. My pictures are a DISASTER. I am putting them all into one place and ORGANIZING them!
   1. Started the process! I have combined my multiple Apple Photos libraries into ONE place! Now I am running a program to pick out the duplicates. Once that is done I can go through each image and dump the crappy ones! Making good progress here…
2. There are light bulbs out everywhere in this house. They will be changed.
   1. This is technically a BLUE job…I will put this task to Grady tomorrow. So really, I can check this one off my list! 
3. My car is a PIT. Time to clean.
   1. I did some light cleaning today but that does not really count…so I will finish this task tomorrow.
4. Bathrooms in this place need a deep clean. Time to clean some more.
   1. Ummmm…Monday. 
5. I now have my classes for next year. I need to get them ready for those monsters arriving September 3rd.
   1. Technically this is a work task and work only happens during the work week…so Monday on this one too!
6. I need to organize my school supplies and my school bag. You KNOW you are jealous of this one…
   1. While technically work related this is fun so it shall be done tomorrow! 
7. I need new school clothes. Mom will be home the 23rd…make date with mom for her to take me school clothes shopping on the 24th.
   1. Confirmed with mom that she is INDEED taking me school clothes shopping! CHECK!
8. Grady needs to make a decision about the business. I will have a chat with Grady.
   1. We had a nice chat about this yesterday. Nothing formal and no decisions made but he is leaning in a direction so that is progress. I told him I need a decision by December so he has some time and I have a deadline. Progress made. 

Yesterday was a GREAT food day! I was hungry throughout the day but I stuck to the 30/10 plan! YEAH ME! Today…not so much. Grady wanted a few things at BestBuy which means a trek into town. I have been wanting to see Minions so we made a game plan to see the movie then do our shopping. The movie was AWESOME BTWs…very funny and enjoyable. I indulged in some popcorn at the movies with a water of course (no candy either!) but by the time the movie was over I was HUNGRY…almost hangry. We had to stop at BestBuy and a run to Safeway for groceries. I was not going to make it. I have been caving pizza recently and MAN that sounded good tonight. So we had pizza. It tasted good but not as good as I was anticipating. A lot of food things seem to be a let down recently. The pizza was so-so…some fish and chips in Alaska were just ok…weeks ago I had a Starbucks iced mocha and it was NOT good…too sweet and too just blah. I need to figure out a way to get over these cravings because 9 times out of 10 it does NOT live up to expectations. I just have to say no. I have to be better about eating ahead and not letting my hunger get to unmanageable levels. And I have to just start listening to myself…if I don’t think it will be as good as I am anticipating I just don’t eat it. But my addiction tells me that maybe THIS time it WILL be as good as what I am thinking! How the hell do you ignore that?

It sounds so easy…just say no. But the energy and effort it takes to say no against an addiction is monumental. It is like trying to summit Everest without oxygen (because I have totally tried this before). It can be done but holy shit it is hard and very few people can do it. OK how about this…it is like thinking that you would be a great teacher but in reality it is the fucking hardest job on the planet and it would take you years of trying and gallons of tears for you to get there… Rocket scientist have it easier than teachers…and I can say that because I am one. But it CAN be done. It is EXHAUSTING always battling the addiction. Everybody knows this. Everyone has thrown in the towel at some point with something they were trying to accomplish. It happens because you get tired of the battle…you get tired of the thinking and the fighting. I am still just oh so very tired of it all. I can feel it getting better than last week but the tiredness is still there. It makes me VERY nervous for what is to come. If I am tired now and I am on summer vacation…what is it going to be like when work actually begins again? Not only will I be tired from the struggle but I will also be tired from work in general. How is THAT going to work? It is a real fear at this point. Looks like I already have Thursdays topic: How to stay not so tired so I can keep ahead of the struggle. I need some tools…some strategies…some magic beans or something. Going back is not an option…but staying HERE where I am now is also not an option. I must continue on…to the lighter side.