Today I completed Day 2 (WOOHOO!!! DAY MUTHER F’IN 2!) of my Couch to 5K training program then took my ass straight to yoga. I sweated for about 2 straight hours today. I am amazed at how much easier it is to jog…it still sucks hardcore but I can feel the difference between my old self jogging and my new self jogging. It takes me a few rounds of walk/jog before I hit my stride but I think everyone is like that. As I am struggling for breath on the treadmill I visualize what it will feel like crossing the finish line of the Seahawks 5K in April being able to say that I jogged it more than I walked it…knowing that I “ran” a 5k is going to be an amazing accomplishment. I cried when I crossed the Seattle Marathon finish line and I walked that (some higher being interviewed in that one…) That visual will keep me going through the hard days. I have also committed to “running” the Wanderlust 5K in May with a team of my fellow yogis from the studio. So it’s time to get my ass in gear.

I was down 2.8 pounds at last week’s weight in. Last week was a bit of a struggle so I was happy to see those results. It is SO HARD to get out of the mind set that if we sweat our ass off at the gym we will lose weight. Its engraved in the minds of anyone who has ever wanted to lose a pound. It is SUCH a fallacy on so many levels…science has proved that a calorie is not an equal calorie and that to “work off” most indulgences would require effort not seen since Hercules himself hit the gym. I have to remind myself of this every day “FITNESS happens in the gym, WEIGHT LOSS happens in the kitchen.” I know this to be true and proven- I have spent thousands of hours being active enough to work up a sweat. The couch is the LEAST sat spot in my world. I have always been active…yet my weight has only increased in the last 10 years. Releasing weight has nothing to do with how active you are…it is all about what you put in your pie hole. It’s why I am not diabetic or on my death bed…I AM active. My bones and muscles are strong and dense and I do have some level of athletic endurance. Sometimes people at yoga will tell me how “inspirational” I am for doing yoga at my size. MY SIZE? Im I orbiting a planet or something? Am I the fattest person you have ever seen practicing yoga EVER? It kinda hurts but I get it. The people who tell me that have always lost 50+ or 100+ pounds and share that they could never do what I do in public at their highest weight. They wish that they could have done what I am doing at their heaviest and not waited or wasted their time worrying about their appearance and what other people thought of them. It always ends up being part inspiring and part terrifying. But these people have been there…they have been fat. My response has gotten to be automatic “I ain’t go time for that!” And if I was worried about what people were thinking about my appearance I would never leave my house. What kind of life is that? I have gotten to the place where I just dont give a shit about what other people think of me and how I look and I have stopped judging people the way that others are judging me. I got over using my precious brain space and time judging others…it got me now where and usually lead to comparisons that I could use to justify my then current size or situation. I have stopped comparing…stopped judging…stopped worrying. My empathy has increased 1000 fold for people struggling with their weight but it ends there. Like I said…I ain’t got time for that.

(If the meme just wont do…)

I do not think this Thursday is going to be positive on the scale. I think I will be up in muscle (yeah treadmill) but will be up in fat too. I had on meal last week that was totally worth it a thousand times over and two meals that were not. We spend a lovely evening with my grandparents and dinned out. We went to one of the best restaurants in Federal Way that happens to serve my FAVORITE paste dish of all time. Pear and blue cheese stuffed ravioli in a cranberry cream sauce. IT IS AMAZING. I ordered it an was anticipating its delicious flavors soon to be dancing across my palate when the waitress came back 10 minutes later and informed me that they were out my selection. TEARS. So I ordered what she recommend as the runner up and it was just not. Nothing could take the place of those ravioli. I should have had a salad. Last night I reached my apex of salad and anything green and we had pizza. It tasted SO good going down but it has yet to leave me. There is still a rock of dough and cheese sitting in my gut and I dont think it plans on leaving anytime soon. Saturday night I celebrated a good friends birthday at a farm to plate restaurant and it was MIND BLOWING. Butternut squash spears with maple bacon butter? Chicken cordon blue ravioli in a creamy white sauce garnished with sweet mushrooms? It was life changing. That meal was out of this world. But it all adds up to a not so good Thursday…1-2 is not a good record for this week.

Tonight as Grady was making dinner we meal planned for the week. Everything sounds good and will taste good. After the Superbowl I want to really branch out and find some new recipes and mix things up. I picked up some new recipes at 30/10 last week and they all looked pretty delicious! On the menu for tomorrow: Butt roasted chicken and grilled peppers…yummo!