Today I weight in and had some “mixed” results. They were all positive but it is more of a mixing of my perception than anything else. I was down 0.8 pounds this week…nothing stellar and way below there 3 pound average. But still DOWN no tup. I IDID however lose 6.6 pounds of pure fat and gain a ton of muscle. My 30/10 coach said it was the best week I have had because I lost SO much body fat and gain muscle, meaning that my body is burning fat easily because I have so much muscle. I do NOT feel like I did anything athletic this week…I swam a bit…did some light duty work blowing up fun islands and getting them in the water…I walked 6 miles maybe…kayaked a few times but NOTHING like what I usually do. I told my coach that I was concerned that I was going to keep gaining muscle and never see the weight continue to release. She said not to worry about that…the more muscle I replace with fat the faster my body will continue to burn and use the excess fat. So that is some good news.

It is hard to hear that this was the best week with such a small loss. I feel very conditioned to only think and concern myself with my weight number. Even though 30/10 really only focuses on your visceral fat loss and your total body fat composition, the weight number is the easiest to understand. I cant see my actual fat but I can see what I look like. The less I weight the better I will look…right? Weight numbers are SO deceiving. A very close friend and my grandma both told me what they weighed and I just about fell over. I did not think that they weighed what they did. They are both VERY healthy and look fantastic. That number just never seems to add up to what you think it should. But it is SO hard to get away from that number. No one has a body scanner at home…no one compares body fat content or visceral fat levels when chatting about weight. Its all about that number…pounds or kilos. It is hard to break away from that. But that is where my brain has to go. Maybe my new goals should focus on my fat content levels…maybe my new goal should be about how many pounds of fat I can lose each week and not about how much total weight I have lost? Something for me to think about. Maybe that will be a healthier way to think about this whole thing and get to me NOT focus on my weight.

My goal for the next two weeks is to just maintain. We will be spending 5 days in Silverwood next week then back to the canal for the 4th of July. I am REALLY hoping I can take my food into Silverwood. Their website says that as long as it is medical then you can take it but I forgot to get any notice from 30/10 today stating what it was all about. So I will give it a try. My sister-in-law sleuthed out their restaurants and she found things that were one plan so at least I know that I can remain on plan in the park! The 4th this year will not be as difficult however. No flag cake, no sugar cookies, no “traditional” 4th foods as they are normally prepared. Temptations are everywhere and I need to refocusing on saying no. I will not be able to weight in next week so it will be two weeks before my next weight in. My goal for these two weeks is to just maintain…maintain my current weight, fat and muscle levels. If I can maintain that will be a success. I of course would like to continue to release weight but I will NOT be disappointed if I maintain. I will be disappointed if I gain. I dont ever want to be this weight again. Every day I would like to be smaller and smaller in every way possible. Some days are easy to follow the plan…then some days are really hard. Somedays I dont even have to think about it…the the next day it feels like I am climbing a mountain that is being thrust up higher and higher and I just keep trying and trying to reach the summit. It can be daunting some days. But I do not see this changing any time soon. I feel like food and weight will be my burden in life. That makes me sad and mad…but everyone has burdens to bare and most are much heavier than mine. I am not fighting cancer…I am not battling a disease…I am not stuck in a toxic relationship…my burden is food. And when it is put in perspective, it seems like one of the best burdens to bare.

I have received some amazing words of encouragement this week. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and spreading these little pockets of love throughout my day. You know when you are walking down a busy city street and everyone seems to not even notice you there then someone looks up and you and smiles at your..says hello or “Beautiful day” or “Love your purse” (I get this A LOT! Shocker I know)…it just makes your day. Those words are like those smiles on a busy city street. Thank you.