Those numbers are devastatingly crushing because I naively thought that surgery would fix it all; that I would magically be trim, fit, healthy, happy, and put together one year out. I have been battling my weight for as long as my memory can reflect on my life. I was hoping bariatric surgery would end that struggle, that constant battle between my soul and food. I can say *definitely* it has not ended anything, which is another sour spot in my soul. But what weighs the heaviest is the realization that the work of living life at a healthy weight has everything to do with what the surgery did NOT fix and everything to do with what I never wanted to confront- myself, my addiction, and my body-mind disconnection. Continue reading Thoughts on a Year
While things are returning to normal, I am more and more aware that in many ways, there will be no returning to normal. There is the only newness. I cannot return to the old normal because it physically or mentally does not work that way anymore. Sometimes that is hard to grasp or accept because you just want to be and feel normal again. Continue reading Adjusting to Life After Bariatric Surgery
Never once in my life have I “thought” about my body. I know it is there…it does things to keep my person alive…it gets me places and it responds to my brains commands. When it is physically hurting I address the pain and move on until something else presents itself. My body is a tool that my brain uses to get shit done. Period. Apparently, this is not the way it should be. Continue reading Mind AND Body
I think I also came to a kind of peace with my past and present today. I guess I proved to myself that you can be fat and have a fucking amazing life. It’s not easy, but I don’t think life is easy at any weight. It is ok to be fat-large-husky-round-pudgy-big boned. Other people might not think it is ok but I am telling you…it IS ok. It is also ok to not want to be large anymore and it is ok to do something about it. You are OK at every weight. You might not be *happy* but you are ok. Consistent happiness is not a requirement for life…but being ok is. Continue reading How I Spent My Day Before
I have no real expectations after surgery…I plan on following the doctor’s orders and being the best big patient I can be. I am hopeful for a quick recovery and that I can tolerate all foods and champagne after the procedure but I am not really mourning the loss of any of those things. Don’t get it twisted though…I LOVE me some champaign and that could be the reason that I am fat at the moment. Continue reading It’s Going Down For Reals…
I HAVE learned some things along that way and feel confident that I am not the only one who has come to these conclusions or am the only human on this planet who could benefit from these findings. So THIS 4th of July I hope that you too can start your own journey to food freedom…to body freedom. Or I hope that some of my tools can become your tools to help ease your struggle and keep you going in your journey. Continue reading The 4th: Celebrating Freedom
Podcasts man…where have you been all my life! These things are AMAZING! Now that I am at the lake for the summer and back to a … Continue reading Listen To Learn My Friends!
The LESSON of this story is that when you are in need of something, asking the universe for help finding what you need. EXPRESS what you are feeling, ask for help, and look around for the answers that will be there. Continue reading The Cycle of ‘Meh
I HAVE to get to the bottom of this slump in my LIFE! WHY the hell was I SO on-point a few months ago and now I can’t tear myself away from the SVU marathon on USA? I NEED to get to the bottom of this so I can DELAY doing the real work of battling my addiction…of going back to thinking deeply about why I can’t just eat the freaking 30/10 food and be DONE with it all…not talking myself down from a ledge every freaking time I am Starbucks…from reminding myself 5000 times a day that “It’s just food!” I see you addiction…sneaky bastard. IT NEVER GOES AWAY. Continue reading Day… Who The Hell Knows…
I have been getting a lot of requests to start a Facebook support group. I have been hesitant because I know how much work a group … Continue reading Support is HERE!