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Thoughts on a Year

Those numbers are devastatingly crushing because I naively thought that surgery would fix it all; that I would magically be trim, fit, healthy, happy, and put together one year out. I have been battling my weight for as long as my memory can reflect on my life. I was hoping bariatric surgery would end that struggle, that constant battle between my soul and food. I can say *definitely* it has not ended anything, which is another sour spot in my soul. But what weighs the heaviest is the realization that the work of living life at a healthy weight has everything to do with what the surgery did NOT fix and everything to do with what I never wanted to confront- myself, my addiction, and my body-mind disconnection. Continue reading Thoughts on a Year

Adjusting to Life After Bariatric Surgery

While things are returning to normal, I am more and more aware that in many ways, there will be no returning to normal. There is the only newness. I cannot return to the old normal because it physically or mentally does not work that way anymore. Sometimes that is hard to grasp or accept because you just want to be and feel normal again. Continue reading Adjusting to Life After Bariatric Surgery

It’s Going Down For Reals…

I have no real expectations after surgery…I plan on following the doctor’s orders and being the best big patient I can be. I am hopeful for a quick recovery and that I can tolerate all foods and champagne after the procedure but I am not really mourning the loss of any of those things. Don’t get it twisted though…I LOVE me some champaign and that could be the reason that I am fat at the moment. Continue reading It’s Going Down For Reals…

The 4th: Celebrating Freedom

I HAVE learned some things along that way and feel confident that I am not the only one who has come to these conclusions or am the only human on this planet who could benefit from these findings. So THIS 4th of July I hope that you too can start your own journey to food freedom…to body freedom. Or I hope that some of my tools can become your tools to help ease your struggle and keep you going in your journey. Continue reading The 4th: Celebrating Freedom

Day 254: Easter Recovery

When the day was over I realized the only thing I posted on social media were pictures of the food- well I did post one picture of some beautiful tulips. Before I would have never noticed this but this year I did. Just another reminder that the struggle is still real and I have some issues with food. But instead of dwelling on this discovery I thought of all of the awesome non-food related things that happened on Easter. Continue reading Day 254: Easter Recovery

Day 186: Well…down is down

I feel like I have come full circle with 30/10. I have done it all…made the scary decision to do it, fought off the demons and hunger pains of the beginning, admitted that I use food to get through life, found a counselor who could help me through the addiction side of my food issues, experienced the highs of releasing weight, gotten pissed and “paused”, but the most important part- maintain my new lower weight. That is how I KNOW this was the program for me…I have maintained. I will never go back. I know TOO MUCH now about myself and my addiction to let it control my life again. Continue reading Day 186: Well…down is down

Days 146, 147: Fat, Happy, and HUNGRY!

But at the party last night I enjoyed a regular meal (I did have seconds of the potatoes and jello salad and if you would have tasted them you would know why), I had two glasses of wine, and one small sugar cookie and 3 pieces of chocolate. Pretty normal for any human. While moms food was DELICIOUS, I remember the conversations and playing with the kids and showing off the truck more than the food and THAT is a monumental change that I can be thankful for. My weight might not be releasing at the rate that I want it to and I have to take another pause of my program…but things are different and those differences outweigh any questions that I may have about myself or that others have of me. Continue reading Days 146, 147: Fat, Happy, and HUNGRY!

Days 99-102: The COUNSEL

It was RELAXING. I did 5 minutes of work the whole weekend and stayed off of social media for the most part. I visited with my grandparents and aunt and uncle…I watched the Hawks and Mariners…Grady and my boy cousins helped me figure out my fantasy draft (which is an EPIC team…I have the #1 draft spot)…and I watched the stormy weather roll up and down the canal. It felt really good. It was just what my soul needed. I don’t think it was what my addiction needed or my plan called for but it was what I needed to recharge and move on from this funk I think. I hope. Continue reading Days 99-102: The COUNSEL


My sisters asked me if I was excited about hitting my goal and my answer is mixed. The first thought is of joy and happiness. But then I start thinking that I should have set my goal higher…that I should have lost more weight by now…that I have just been getting by with the bare minimum of the plan and not trying my hardest. I NOW recognize this thinking as apart of my addiction. Is there NO END to the depths that this addiction runs? Continue reading Day 55: GOOOOOAAAALLLLL!