I can tell that things are changing because my clothes are fitting differently and I noticed today that I just take up less space on my yoga mat. My arms and legs can move in directions that they just could not before. My body might not ever look the way that I want it to and I have to be ok with that. Like releasing weight…I have to take it one goal at a time. Continue reading Days 103, 104: Back to School!
The struggle today was no match for my..well..my day. I has SHIT TO DO and was busy doing that. I also finished my book The Martian by Andy Weir and when I am reading I have NO TIME for the struggle. It was a great, on-plan day. No real cravings…no real issues. I think making all those lists helped. It lessened my anxiety about a lot of things and cleared up some pictures that had been covered in dust. Maybe that is something to add to “Thee One Who Struggles Knows This For Sure” list…that lists help lessen the struggle. Continue reading Day 86: More Lists
Despite the off plan foods and the drinky-poos from the weekend before and the lack of sleep and general poor attitude towards life Tuesday-today I managed to still get rid of some poundage. It was a HORRIBLE food week…I mean REALLY bad. But s my 30/10 coach helped me understand today…even with the bad food I am still eating less. I am making better decisions when I am not eating the bad food and I am thinking about why I am doing it. All victories in the larger struggle. Continue reading Day 83: Results!
The days are getting easier…I am becoming more and more committed to not only the program but to the changes I am making in my life. I am becoming more aware of my addiction and the mess-up mind games it plays with me daily and that knowledge will help me continue to distance myself from my old way of living. I am understanding that the path will not be smooth…will be filled with the ruts in this road. I am accepting the lifelong challenge that lies ahead of me with food, weight, and body image. Still not thrilled about it but more accepting of it. Continue reading Day 76: Results are In…I am now a Russian Orthodox Raven
Even though the sun was out almost all day it feels like fall. Some of the leaves on the lake road are starting to turn and the wind has knocked off any hold overs from last fall. This wind has been deep…the kind that seems to flow right past your skin and wrap around your bones. Fall is indeed coming to the Pacific Northwest. Winds of change I always liken them to…they signal a new season and a change of pace Continue reading Day 75: Better Than Yesterday
I am not hungry but am feeling the urge to eat often. I have refrained from that today thank GOD. Today Obi Wan is with me and I am resisting the Dark Side. Every time I get close to opening the fridge I take myself outside to do something other than stand at the open refrigerator. My fears about being back to zero with 30/10 and everything else are gone. I think some of the changes are long lasting…I am just not the same person as I was before and that does feel really really awesome. I am the same person…but with different food goals! Continue reading Day 73: BORED!
I went to Alaska for all that and was able to experience ALL of it. Sure my struggle was there with me the whole time. But my brain but that on the back burner because it knows that even struggles take vacations…we all need vacation to remind us of the good life. To remind us why we work so hard and struggle so much…to live the good life and live it WELL. Continue reading Days 62-Oh who the hell knows…
My sisters asked me if I was excited about hitting my goal and my answer is mixed. The first thought is of joy and happiness. But then I start thinking that I should have set my goal higher…that I should have lost more weight by now…that I have just been getting by with the bare minimum of the plan and not trying my hardest. I NOW recognize this thinking as apart of my addiction. Is there NO END to the depths that this addiction runs? Continue reading Day 55: GOOOOOAAAALLLLL!
My very first thought was that is was my old ways…my old habits…my nothing thinking leaving my body…Not all of it…but a big enough piece to make some space. I then had a moment of fear-what was going to fill this space now? Something bad…something not healthy…something I don’t want? Holy shit…that space BETTER get filled with something good. Continue reading Day 54: The 7th Day Before
“Instead of seeing hunger as a negative thing, see it as a positive thing, Instead of dwelling on hunger, contemplate its opposite: fullness. Purna, or purnata, he explained, is both fullness in eating, and also the idea of perfection, wholeness, the entire universe complete unto itself, you wholly and fully yourself.” Continue reading Thoughts on Finding “Full”
Thee Struggle is REAL! 