I can feel it getting better than last week but the tiredness is still there. It makes me VERY nervous for what is to come. If I am tired now and I am on summer vacation…what is it going to be like when work actually begins again? Not only will I be tired from the struggle but I will also be tired from work in general. How is THAT going to work? Continue reading Days 84, 85: The Shit List
Despite the off plan foods and the drinky-poos from the weekend before and the lack of sleep and general poor attitude towards life Tuesday-today I managed to still get rid of some poundage. It was a HORRIBLE food week…I mean REALLY bad. But s my 30/10 coach helped me understand today…even with the bad food I am still eating less. I am making better decisions when I am not eating the bad food and I am thinking about why I am doing it. All victories in the larger struggle. Continue reading Day 83: Results!
My addiction is still pulling strong on my new ways and nothing feels right. Even though I REMEMBER not being happy in the old ways it did feel normal. And the whole goal of addiction is to help you feel nothing. Why would I want to return to that? To feel “normal”. Continue reading Day 82: Another Day Before
I ordered a new Seahawks sip up sweatshirt jacket thing in an XXL and it does NOT fit. I can zip it up but its one of those items you would NEVER wear in public. Do I keep in of hopes of fitting into by the time the Hawks play in the Suerbowl? Do I send it back with an angry note about making clothes that FUCKING FIT people and not only the Seagals? FML dude…FML! Continue reading Days 80, 81: SO OVER THIS!
**But I think the journey only matters if you don’t know your destination. Then YES look around and observe and think and wonder…let the journey help you determine WHAT your destination is. But if you already have a destination…the journey really doesn’t matter. You will just do what you HAVE to do to get to your destination. Have to swim through shark infested waters after JUST shaving your legs? Hike a snowy mountain during a blizzard? Walk over a snake covered floor to get to the chalice? OK fine…whatever…just let start so I can get there faster. Continue reading Days 77-79: Sprinkles, Smirnoff, and Sun!
The days are getting easier…I am becoming more and more committed to not only the program but to the changes I am making in my life. I am becoming more aware of my addiction and the mess-up mind games it plays with me daily and that knowledge will help me continue to distance myself from my old way of living. I am understanding that the path will not be smooth…will be filled with the ruts in this road. I am accepting the lifelong challenge that lies ahead of me with food, weight, and body image. Still not thrilled about it but more accepting of it. Continue reading Day 76: Results are In…I am now a Russian Orthodox Raven
Even though the sun was out almost all day it feels like fall. Some of the leaves on the lake road are starting to turn and the wind has knocked off any hold overs from last fall. This wind has been deep…the kind that seems to flow right past your skin and wrap around your bones. Fall is indeed coming to the Pacific Northwest. Winds of change I always liken them to…they signal a new season and a change of pace Continue reading Day 75: Better Than Yesterday
One small thing leads to another then another then pretty soon you are sneaking into a convenience store for Hi-Chews and paying for them in cash….untraceable because you have also ditched your wrappers in someone else’s garbage can. Then Hi-Chews lead to Starbucks which leads to murder. Well maybe not that extreme but it leads down a dark path of food that kills you. Continue reading Day 74: It SUCKS Again!
I am not hungry but am feeling the urge to eat often. I have refrained from that today thank GOD. Today Obi Wan is with me and I am resisting the Dark Side. Every time I get close to opening the fridge I take myself outside to do something other than stand at the open refrigerator. My fears about being back to zero with 30/10 and everything else are gone. I think some of the changes are long lasting…I am just not the same person as I was before and that does feel really really awesome. I am the same person…but with different food goals! Continue reading Day 73: BORED!
I went to Alaska for all that and was able to experience ALL of it. Sure my struggle was there with me the whole time. But my brain but that on the back burner because it knows that even struggles take vacations…we all need vacation to remind us of the good life. To remind us why we work so hard and struggle so much…to live the good life and live it WELL. Continue reading Days 62-Oh who the hell knows…
Thee Struggle is REAL! 